


A Tiny Tyrant's Romantic Shenanigans

by Majesty6



Category: Swapfell (Fanmade), Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Courtship: Sans Edition!, F/M, Freshly Broken-Hearted Reader, Friends to Lovers, Light-Hearted, Rom-com, SFW???, Sans is also kind of a freak, Sans is bilingual (spanish asf), Sans plays clean-up crew, Self-Insert, Swapfell Sans, determined sans is determined, idk - Freeform, idk you could probably interpret it as the purple one as well tho, the red one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-24 00:50:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12001470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Majesty6/pseuds/Majesty6
Summary: One human's broken heart is another skeleton's aspiration.





	A Tiny Tyrant's Romantic Shenanigans

You looked down at your phone for the billionth time, still in a shellshock over the news.

  
  
“ _It's over,_ ” The text read. “ _You didn't give me what I wanted, so I found someone else who actually gives a damn about my needs. Have a good life._ ”

  
  
For some reason, that last line always forced a bitter laugh out of you.

  
  
You dragged your hand down your cheek, catching streams of salty tears. As of now, your used-to-be boyfriend just given you the boot…

  
  
Via text.

 

What kind of sick person breaks up through the phone? Did you not matter enough to be told in person? Or was his new chick keeping him preoccupied?

  
  
Whatever the case was, you sure weren't happy about it.

  
  
You can feel your heart shattering the more you dwelled on it. Of course this happened to you. Nothing in this world ever goes right for you, does it?

  
  
You sighed, your fingers hovering over the phone's keyboard.

 

You typed your feelings…

  
  
And then you deleted them…

  
  
And then you typed again…

  
  
And then you deleted your words once more…

  
  
For a couple of minutes, that cycle went on. All you had to do was press send and your words wouldn’t go unnoticed ever again.

  
  
But you hesitated.

  
  
Your lips pursed as you shakily tried to press send…

  
  
Only to be interrupted by a phone call.

  
  
You startled, having to fumble with the phone to gain your grip on it once more. Of all the times, you thought.

  
  
Looking down at the caller ID, you quickly straightened up, trying to clear your face of any sadness.

  
  
It was none other than your good ol’ friend, Sans.

  
  
He's… a character to say the least. And also a diva, and a hothead, and a control freak, and many other things that weren't necessarily the most redeeming of qualities.

 

  
But despite all of this, he was still your friend.

  
  
Reluctantly, you answered the phone.

  
  
“yo,” And to your surprise, it wasn't the person you were expecting to hear from. “howzit goin’ with you, kid?”

  
  
The words were at the tip of your tongue:

  
  
_“Awful.”_

  
  
_“I want to die.”_

  
  
_“I'd much rather be lynched than to be having this conversation right now.”_

  
  
“Alright, I suppose,” You said, rubbing your runny nose. “What about you?”

  
  
“eh, it's goin’. the boss is cookin’ me sum grub, so i have _that_ to look forward to.”

  
  
“Oh how fun!” You giggled, knowing full well what Sans’ cooking escapades entailed.

  
  
“heh yep. business as usual, i guess,” You hear the clattering of pots and pans in the background as Rus pauses. “you okay, kiddo?”

  
  
“What?” You squeaked, completely caught off guard. “Y-Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

  
  
“ ** _y/n_** ,” His voice dipped an octave as he said your name, making you guiltily bite your lip. “ **don't lie to me.** ”

  
  
Damn his intuition! Even over the phone, the guy knew how to play detective. You felt yourself shaking your head, despite Papyrus’ inability to see past the phone.

  
  
You started to sniffle once more, but the clashing and crashing in the background kept your attention elsewhere. “What's going on there?”

  
  
You hear a bit more commotion past the phone, some yelling, and a bit of phone fumbling before Papyrus spoke up once more, “m’lord wants to know what's up.”

  
  
“Wha-”

  
  
You're interrupted by more incoherent noises and static. “Hello? You guys even have connection in there?”

  
  
But Papyrus dismisses your concerns. “he wants to know why you're upset.”

  
  
You open your mouth to speak, but something tells you that it'd be better to talk about your issue in person with him. “I-I’ll tell him some other time,” You stammered. “He doesn't need to know just yet.”

  
  
As soon as you hear Papyrus relay your words to Sans, you're momentarily deafened by a screeching fit.

  
  
After a bit more of unseeable mayhem, Papyrus speaks again. “he says he has to know _now_.”

  
  
Your brows furrowed. “Well tell him that I said _later_.” You said, emphasizing the later part a little more sternly.

  
  
There's a brief pause in the conversation (well, besides Sans’ screaming). “he says quote-on-quote, if you don't tell me right now, i will personally go over to your apartment and shave your fingers down to the knuckle with a cheese grater,” You can hear him chuckling a bit before he continues. “and personally serve them to you as a topping on my next batch of burritos.”

  
  
As morbid as the threat was, it still made you giggle, “Pfft, now I definitely don't want to tell him.” Yeah...he'd definitely overreact.

  
  
“he says that you're required to come over,” Rus said. “and that's an order.”

  
  
You couldn't stop the ugly snort-laugh from coming out in time. “What do I look like, a drive through? No no no. If he's so concerned about me, then he'll just have to drag me over there himself.”

  
  
The other line goes deadly silent for a moment before Rus answers with a dark chuckle, “okay”.

  
  
He promptly hung up, leaving you with frayed nerves.

  
  
He wouldn't actually come over…

  
  
Would he?

* * *

  
  
It wasn't long before Sans marched up to your apartment complex, busted down your door, and had promptly began to drag you to his vehicle out front.

  
  
“ _MALDITA SEA, HUMANO,_ ” He chided. “I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION ONCE WE GET IN THE CAR!”

  
  
Luckily for you, Sans had taken pity on you and had thrown you over his shoulder as he proceeded down the apartment’s front porch. Otherwise, this whole situation would've been a way bigger headache than need be.

  
  
“Okay” was all you answered with as he tossed you into the passenger seat of his lovely black convertible. Sure, the ways he showed his affection were...unconventional, but you knew he cared about you nonetheless.

  
  
You watched as he slid effortlessly across the car hood and straight into the driver's seat. Slamming the door behind him, he kept his sights on you the whole time as he buckled himself up.

  
  
" _¿QUÉ PASA?_ " He asked as he started up the car. “YOU DISRUPTED MY COOKING SESSION, SO THIS BETTER BE IMPORTANT.”

  
  
The car was in motion and you crossed your arms, watching your apartment complex disappear through the side view mirror. “I didn’t ask you to come over here.”

  
  
“OH BUT ON THE CONTRARY, YOU DID,” He retorted quickly. “YOU CHALLENGED ME. **MY POWER**. THEREFORE, IT WAS OBVIOUS THAT YOU WANTED TO BE GRACED WITH MY PRESENCE.”

  
  
"Riiight," You rolled your eyes incredulously, grimacing at the scenery outside. "Like I asked to dragged out of my apartment by some crazy bonehead."

  
  
"BONEHEAD!? _OH_ , IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ASKING TO GET THROWN OUT RIGHT NOW!" Sans seethed.

  
  
"Don't go threaten me with a good time, marshmallow."

  
  
Sans abruptly stopped at an intersection. “YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN!!” He squawked, gripping the steering wheel like a lifeline.

  
  
You leaned back in you seat. "I am calm," You spoke through your teeth. "I am just so… so absolutely peachy." _God, you were anything but peachy._ Everything was going to shit, and yet here you were, putting on a performance deserving of an Oscar for the worst actor.

  
  
Great life choices, huh?

  
  
" _¡MENTIROSO!_ " He cried as he smacked the dashboard, making you jump. "YOU'RE SUCH AN AWFUL LIAR! TELL ME NOW, HUMAN; WHY ARE ACTING LIKE THIS?"

  
  
"Just drop it, Sans. I said I'm fine."

  
  
"I'M NOT DROPPING ANYTHING UNTIL YOU TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG!" Sans yelled back, determined.

  
  
You inwardly (and outwardly) groaned. This guy was one hell of a heel, wasn't he? "I've said it once and I'll say it again: I'm fine, Sans. You're just hearing shit." You replied loud and stiffly. Can't he just take a hint and stop talking for once in his goddamned life?!

  
  
" _!AY, POR FAVOR¡_ THE ONLY ONE 'HEARING SHIT' IS YOU, WHAT WITH YOUR HEAD THAT FAR UP YOUR ASS AND ALL."

  
  
"Hey!" You snapped. "That was uncalled for!"

  
  
"NO NO NO! WHAT'S 'UNCALLED' FOR IS THIS NEW PILE OF GARBAGE YOU CALL AN ATTITUDE!" He trumpeted. "NOW I SUGGEST YOU TELL ME WHAT'S TROUBLING YOU, OTHERWISE I'LL HAVE TO FORCE IT OUT OF YOU!"

  
  
"Oh yeah?" Your inquired callously. "I'd like to see you try, bonehead."

  
  
You hadn't even noticed that he had pulled over.

  
  
All you could hone in on was Sans' snapping sanity.

  
  
" **THAT'S IT!** "

  
  
And with that, he unbuckled himself and promptly hurled himself onto you.

  
  
"Wha- hey! Get off, asshole!" You protested, struggling to unbuckle yourself and escape his wrath.

  
  
Sans straggled to pin you in the seat (what with his height and all), but your seatbelt had helped him immensely. " _¡IDIOTA! ¿DÓNDE ESTÁN TU MODALES?_ " He screeched, bumping up and down at your stubborn retaliations. "TELL ME THIS INSTANT, MS. EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED! **TELL ME EVERYTHING!** "

  
  
You kicked and flailed freely, doing anything to get your psycho friend off you. "I said quit it, Sans! Get off me- AHHH!" You yelped as your seat reclined full length, making Sans flop on top of you.

  
  
And for some inexplicable reason, you body ceased to fight him anymore.

  
  
"HUMAN," He didn't seem to notice the compromising position as he grabbed you by the shirt collar and started to shake you with every syllable. "QUIT BEING SO STUBBORN AND LET ME HELP YOU!" He continued. "I ONLY WANT…"

  
  
He started to trail off, his gaze softening as he looked down at your submissive form. A blue blush crept across his cheekbones as he gaped on.

  
  
"I-I WANT… I WANT…" His words couldn't move past his thoughts as he hit a wall. You stared up at him with those doe eyes, making his soul flutter. Sans loved that look on your face.

  
  
It was simply delicious.

  
  
He wanted nothing more but to claim you as his own right then and there, but then he remembered one crucial detail:

  
  
Your boyfriend.

  
  
Why you chose to stick around with that sleazebag of a boyfriend stuck as a mystery to Sans. Were you doing charity work or something?

  
  
_No no no._ You liked him. You genuinely liked that…that _puta_. He had to accept that.

  
  
But he couldn't. He simply couldn't.

  
  
His soul panged as he thought of another man's hands touching what rightly belonged to him, roaming and feeling up every crevice of that beautiful body of yours. The image was almost enough to set him on the fritz, but he managed to bite back the war trumpets going off in his head.

  
  
"SORRY" Sans said curtly, scurrying off of you and shuffling himself back in his seat. "I WASN'T THINKING STRAIGHT."

  
  
"I'll say," You jeered, though with that smile of yours, he knew there was no malice behind your words. "You really went all out."

  
  
Sans grinned, placing a confident hand to his sternum. "BUT OF COURSE! YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE EXPECTED ANYTHING ELSE FROM THE INTIMIDATING AND MALEFICENT SANS!"

  
  
You reached for the seat's lever, now finally getting the chance to straighten up your chair. "Welp. I can't argue there." You said.

  
  
"…"

  
  
"…"

  
  
"S-SO…UH…DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT OR-" Sans trailed bashfully, putting the car into motion once more.

  
  
"O-Oh! Yeah right…sure," You replied hesitantly, still not completely sure if you were ready to tell him of your romantic woes. "But I think I'll wait to tell you when we get home."

  
  
Sans looked at you doubtfully, but decided not to press you any further. "FAIR ENOUGH, HUMAN."

  
  
_But oh_ , he knew he could crack you like an egg. And by Toriel, had he just devised the perfect plan or what!?


End file.
